And then there were 3!

So we now have 3 foster children living in our home. We have an almost 11 month old baby girl, a 4.5 year old boy and an almost 3 year old boy. The boys are half brothers. the girl is unrelated. These are the same little boys we've had. We got the baby in September when she was 7 months old. We still hope to be able to adopt. Things are still a roller coaster with the boys...not sure what is going to happen with them. We go back to court in February.

As I was lying in bed last night, I started getting depressed again. I just don't understand why it's so hard for us to become permanent parents. The boys' parents have had 1.5 years to get their act together but just can't seem to. Yet, the judge keeps giving them more and more time. Obviously they don't care about their children like we do, so just sign them over already. I know this is me being very selfish. But if I were their mother, I would have done what I needed to do a long time ago.

As for the baby, she is so precious. It has always been our dream to have a little girl. Her mother is very young and doesn't know what she's doing. The baby's grandfather is pushing his daughter to get her back. She doesn't seem to be that interested. Honestly, if the grandfather weren't in the picture, I believe she would sign over her rights.

I just don't understand what is taking so long. We're still off the pill as we have been for almost 5 years now. The miscarriage was over 4.5 years ago. Still no pregnancy since. To be completely honest, I still would like to give birth to a baby. Our baby, but I don't know if that's in the Lord's plan or not. A baby that can't be taken away from us and given back to it's birth mother/father. I believe I would be very happy adopting these 3 children. (I don't know how we would ever afford it though!!!) But I still think there would be a sense of loss or longing there. I long so deeply to be a birth mommy. I dream about what mine and my husband's children will look like, although I don't know if we'll ever get to see "our" child.

Our friends that are fostering, have already had 2 of their children cleared for adoption and a 3rd child is just a blink away. Another set of friends are very close as well, but it seems as though we'll be on this ride forever.

Part of me is just ready to STOP fostering. Part of me would like to do it for a while. I'm just ready to be off the roller coaster. One month it looks like we might get the kids, the next month, they might go back. It's so disheartening. Please pray for our family. I'm ready to have children that can't be taken away (through adoption or birth). Some days it's just so hard. I feel like I'm so down in the dumps, but I'm very glad to be their mother for this short time. Who knows, maybe it will be permanent; then again, maybe not. Only time will tell.

And then there were two...

Wow...it's been a while! I don't know if anyone even still reads this thing. But here's an update! I've been extremely busy with my 2 boys! We got A's younger brother back at the end of January. So now we have a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old. Things are crazy but in a good way! They are both precious! The BM has started doing some things to try to get them back...who knows if she'll continue or not. Part of me wants them to go back to her and part of me wants to adopt them and be able to call them my sons. My husband and I both feel this way. We feel that God has prepared us for the best either way. Whatever God wants, is best for us anyway! They are both very loving boys and very active. I only thought I was busy before kids! But I wouldn't have it any other way! Hopefully it won't be months before the next update!

Blessings!

Finally a mommy...sort of!

We have a foster child, A! He is a sweet little boy. We've had him for about 2 weeks now. He is very well mannered, good natured, and listens! He is 3 years old. We may get his little brother, C at some point. He is 1.5 years old. The ultimate goal is for reunification with his parents, but I'm still praying that maybe we'll get to adopt him! I'm really not getting my hopes up though. Although, it does look like he will be with us for a while!

Wow....It's been a while

So it's been a while since I've blogged. Lots going on here. We finished our fostering/adoption classes. We've been trying to get all of our paperwork together so we can have the fire inspection and the home study. Found out that my cousin and his wife are expecting again. I'm happy for them though. N and I are trying again. We haven't been trying for probably 6 months, but we haven't been preventing anything either. I'm using OV kits. So far it doesn't look like I've ovulated. Not sure what's going on with that. Either it's just a really loooooong cycle or I'm not going to ovulate. Taking the 6 months off was definitely worth it. We really enjoyed just being together. Not having to say "ok, it's time now!!" That got old pretty quick. It seems like just about everyone on here that I follow has either adopted or had a baby. Congrats to all of you. I'm still praying for my turn. Found out about a month ago that my grandfather has lung cancer. Yep...from all those years of smoking. He did stop smoking a few years back but it was too late. Did I mention he's already in stage 4??? I so want to have at least 1 kid before he passes, but that's not looking too good either. I know God's timing is perfect...it just doesn't seem that way to me!! But when and if we get pregnant, God will get all the glory. After all, it's nothing we've done!! I'm so ready to adopt as well. Not looking as forward to fostering. I'm just hoping and praying that the first one we get will be the one we adopt!! I have a feeling that we won't get pregnant until we adopt. I think God is testing us maybe. He wants to see if we will follow through with what He told us to do. Who knows, I may be way off with that one. Only God knows! God's ways are definitely higher than mine.

Onto other news, I'm having back spasms. My back hurts so bad, it hurts to move. This is the second time this has happened since my last post! I'm drugged up with pain patches and muscle relaxers!!

And even more news (not that anyone ever reads this thing anyway--especially since I'm a horrible blogger!!), we have finally started working on our back yard. We had 2 trees planted last week and this week (hopefully) we are going to lay or begin laying our stone patio. It's going to be sooooo nice!! I can't wait until it's finished!

God bless!
Casey

Only 4 classes to go...

Wow have we been busy! We only have 4 adoption classes left. We've been to the first 6 already. They have been very informative (some of it is too much info!!!). Some topics you just wouldn't think of. Every Tuesday night for 10 weeks straight we meet from 6-9:00 PM. It is 30 hours work of MAPP training. We will also be getting our fostering license, although I don't know if we will foster. We would just like to adopt. The ladies in charge say that it's much easier to adopt once you've fostered, especially if the child you're fostering becomes available for adoption. However, having said that, my DH and I would like to adopt a baby. A lot of times babies come with older siblings. I asked my DH how many he would like to adopt this 1st time and he said "I was thinking one." So....I was thinking 1 or 2. Especially if the older sibling isn't more than 3 years old. Who knows what God has planned for us. I'm still praying for a miracle in the baby making department if you know what I mean. We aren't preventing anything (not that there's anything to prevent- we've been off the pill since May of 2006), but we're not really trying either. Just having fun...trying not to think about whether what we're doing at any particular moment could create a small miracle in my womb. Wink wink:)

Did I mention I love my DH? He is the most amazing and incredible man I know. Our relationship has only grown stronger and we've grown MUCH closer since we've gone through all of this CRAP! Not that I'm happy about the miscarriage or the infertility, but I can honestly say that I will never regret the growth in our marriage. He is such an incredible husband!

The results are in...

The surgery went well. The dr. found a small amount of endometriosis (I'm not sure where yet). There was no scar tissue left in my uterus from the miscarriage. This is something I was and have been extremely concerned about because we chose not to have a D&C after the miscarriage. I guess I made the right decision. He also found something unusual. One of my fallopian tubes was tucked behind my bowels. He said I must have been born this way. He moved it back in the appropriate location. He said he's since this a few other times. Some of the ladies got pregnant immediately after moving the tube, some did not. So I'm at home, drugged up on pain meds. On another positive note, I signed my hubby and I up for adoption classes. They start in January. I'm sooooo excited about adopting! Who knows we may end up with a couple of babies next year!!!!
Pray that the recovery goes well...I'm hurting more in my neck than anywhere else right now. I guess it's the way they had me during surgery. I'm really only hurting in my stomach when I cough, move, or laugh! My throat hurts a lot (from the tube) and I'm coughing and my voice is very scratchy. But other than those things and being out of it...I'm doing ok. I guess I'm really doing better than I thought I would be. I've heard the 2nd day after surgery is the worst--look out tomorrow! Hopefully I'll be ok.

Blessings!

Surgery Day is Here...

Well I guess the title explains it all. My surgery (laparoscopy and hysteroscopy) are today at 1:00. Wish me luck! I'm already in pain from the cyst I had removed on my back last week. I thought little cyst, little incision. Boy was I wrong. I have a 3 inch incision sewn up in three layers. Can we say ouch!!! Anyway, I guess after today we'll know what we're really dealing with in the infertility department. Hopefully good news! I signed DH and I up for our adoption classes last week. They start in January. I'm excited about that too.

Well, it's off to go pack an overnight bag (just in case). Wish me luck!

Blessings!