Wow....It's been a while

So it's been a while since I've blogged. Lots going on here. We finished our fostering/adoption classes. We've been trying to get all of our paperwork together so we can have the fire inspection and the home study. Found out that my cousin and his wife are expecting again. I'm happy for them though. N and I are trying again. We haven't been trying for probably 6 months, but we haven't been preventing anything either. I'm using OV kits. So far it doesn't look like I've ovulated. Not sure what's going on with that. Either it's just a really loooooong cycle or I'm not going to ovulate. Taking the 6 months off was definitely worth it. We really enjoyed just being together. Not having to say "ok, it's time now!!" That got old pretty quick. It seems like just about everyone on here that I follow has either adopted or had a baby. Congrats to all of you. I'm still praying for my turn. Found out about a month ago that my grandfather has lung cancer. Yep...from all those years of smoking. He did stop smoking a few years back but it was too late. Did I mention he's already in stage 4??? I so want to have at least 1 kid before he passes, but that's not looking too good either. I know God's timing is perfect...it just doesn't seem that way to me!! But when and if we get pregnant, God will get all the glory. After all, it's nothing we've done!! I'm so ready to adopt as well. Not looking as forward to fostering. I'm just hoping and praying that the first one we get will be the one we adopt!! I have a feeling that we won't get pregnant until we adopt. I think God is testing us maybe. He wants to see if we will follow through with what He told us to do. Who knows, I may be way off with that one. Only God knows! God's ways are definitely higher than mine.

Onto other news, I'm having back spasms. My back hurts so bad, it hurts to move. This is the second time this has happened since my last post! I'm drugged up with pain patches and muscle relaxers!!

And even more news (not that anyone ever reads this thing anyway--especially since I'm a horrible blogger!!), we have finally started working on our back yard. We had 2 trees planted last week and this week (hopefully) we are going to lay or begin laying our stone patio. It's going to be sooooo nice!! I can't wait until it's finished!

God bless!
Casey

Only 4 classes to go...

Wow have we been busy! We only have 4 adoption classes left. We've been to the first 6 already. They have been very informative (some of it is too much info!!!). Some topics you just wouldn't think of. Every Tuesday night for 10 weeks straight we meet from 6-9:00 PM. It is 30 hours work of MAPP training. We will also be getting our fostering license, although I don't know if we will foster. We would just like to adopt. The ladies in charge say that it's much easier to adopt once you've fostered, especially if the child you're fostering becomes available for adoption. However, having said that, my DH and I would like to adopt a baby. A lot of times babies come with older siblings. I asked my DH how many he would like to adopt this 1st time and he said "I was thinking one." So....I was thinking 1 or 2. Especially if the older sibling isn't more than 3 years old. Who knows what God has planned for us. I'm still praying for a miracle in the baby making department if you know what I mean. We aren't preventing anything (not that there's anything to prevent- we've been off the pill since May of 2006), but we're not really trying either. Just having fun...trying not to think about whether what we're doing at any particular moment could create a small miracle in my womb. Wink wink:)

Did I mention I love my DH? He is the most amazing and incredible man I know. Our relationship has only grown stronger and we've grown MUCH closer since we've gone through all of this CRAP! Not that I'm happy about the miscarriage or the infertility, but I can honestly say that I will never regret the growth in our marriage. He is such an incredible husband!

The results are in...

The surgery went well. The dr. found a small amount of endometriosis (I'm not sure where yet). There was no scar tissue left in my uterus from the miscarriage. This is something I was and have been extremely concerned about because we chose not to have a D&C after the miscarriage. I guess I made the right decision. He also found something unusual. One of my fallopian tubes was tucked behind my bowels. He said I must have been born this way. He moved it back in the appropriate location. He said he's since this a few other times. Some of the ladies got pregnant immediately after moving the tube, some did not. So I'm at home, drugged up on pain meds. On another positive note, I signed my hubby and I up for adoption classes. They start in January. I'm sooooo excited about adopting! Who knows we may end up with a couple of babies next year!!!!
Pray that the recovery goes well...I'm hurting more in my neck than anywhere else right now. I guess it's the way they had me during surgery. I'm really only hurting in my stomach when I cough, move, or laugh! My throat hurts a lot (from the tube) and I'm coughing and my voice is very scratchy. But other than those things and being out of it...I'm doing ok. I guess I'm really doing better than I thought I would be. I've heard the 2nd day after surgery is the worst--look out tomorrow! Hopefully I'll be ok.

Blessings!

Surgery Day is Here...

Well I guess the title explains it all. My surgery (laparoscopy and hysteroscopy) are today at 1:00. Wish me luck! I'm already in pain from the cyst I had removed on my back last week. I thought little cyst, little incision. Boy was I wrong. I have a 3 inch incision sewn up in three layers. Can we say ouch!!! Anyway, I guess after today we'll know what we're really dealing with in the infertility department. Hopefully good news! I signed DH and I up for our adoption classes last week. They start in January. I'm excited about that too.

Well, it's off to go pack an overnight bag (just in case). Wish me luck!

Blessings!

OK...so here's what's up

My hubby and I have decided to pursue the adoption route. We are not giving up on TTC. In fact, we are going to continue with it. I'm going to have lap surgery right before Christmas to check for possible endo or other things that may be going on down there. Hopefully, we'll have good news OR they can zap what's in there. Then, we will try a couple more rounds of IUIs.

We feel that God has really led us in the adoption direction, but we don't feel like He's saying don't TTC. It's really a neat story, but it's long and I really don't feel like typing all of that tonight. Maybe some other time.

Jill is having a giveaway of her favorite things. Go visit her site and enter. You only have until tomorrow night! So hurry!

Well...I know it's been a while....

I've been in hiding. I've kept up with all of you, but I didn't want to be around. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I feel like I might be going back into a depression, but I'm fighting it hard. It may be the change of seasons or just because of our situation or both.

Today is going to be a tough day for me. We are having a family portrait of my DH's family (just the kids and grandkid)...it's just another reminder that we STILL don't have kids. Our twins should be 1 1/2 old now. I wonder what they would be like??? Too cute to imagine I guess.

Anyway, we're trying to decide what to do. I can do one more IUI and then if it doesn't work have the laproscopic surgery for the possible endo in December. But here's my problem. It turns out that my insurance did pay for all but $140 of the IUI. They didn't bill it as an IUI. They billed it as office visit, supplies, etc. That doesn't sound like a problem, right? It's actually very good. Here's my dilemma. I only have $5000 lifetime fertility insurance coverage. I have around $3200 left. If I have the lap surgery, will it be billed as fertility? I hope not. If not, then I can still have other IUI's. If so, that may be all we can do.

Does anyone know how the surgery would be billed?

I'm just wondering who all follows my blog. If you do, could you please leave a quick comment so that I can start following yours if I'm not already. I'm already following 43 blogs, what's a few more! I'm very faithful. I read everyone's blogs EVERYDAY!!! I love keeping up with each of you and your journey through this horrible thing. Most of the time you give me hope. I celebrate when you have success and cry when there is failure. So please leave a comment, so I can get to know more of you. Thanks!

Blessings!

Casey

No...BFN...

I feel myself going backward back into the depression. I knew this time would be the hardest negative to take so far. But after 25, you think we'd be used to it. I feel like this was our last option. We have no money for IVF, another IUI, adoption, etc. I have $50 in my savings account. We're broke. So I guess it will be just me and N for a little while longer. I don't think we'll ever have a baby. I may not be on here for a while.

Blessings to you (but not to me)