Monday, October 20, 2008


I feel myself going backward back into the depression. I knew this time would be the hardest negative to take so far. But after 25, you think we'd be used to it. I feel like this was our last option. We have no money for IVF, another IUI, adoption, etc. I have $50 in my savings account. We're broke. So I guess it will be just me and N for a little while longer. I don't think we'll ever have a baby. I may not be on here for a while.

Blessings to you (but not to me)

Saturday, October 18, 2008


I took a test this morning and it was negative. I know it could still be too early (even though it has been exactly 14dpiui. I used a dollar test that I had. I don't know how good those are anyway. I guess I'll still have my beta done next week unless AF rears her ugly head. I really hope the test was wrong or it's too early. I can't have a negative result again. This will be 26 negative results in a row for us. I told my husband that I'm terrified it's going to be negative. I'm even more terrified that it's going to be positive. We've only had one positive result ever (but that only lasted 9 weeks), so that would be fairly new territory. I'm even more scared that it will be positive but end up being a tubal pregnancy or I'll have a miscarriage. I remember praying after my miscarriage that God would not allow me to get pregnant unless I was going to carry the baby to term and it be healthy. I just don't think I could handle another miscarriage. I went into a deep depression that lasted 1.5 years with the last one.

Has anyone else taken a test the day 14dpiui and it be negative but then have the beta be positive? I'm still trying to have hope and faith, but it's really hard. I'm sort of down in the dumps now. I knew I shouldn't have taken that test this morning!

I hope all is going well for all of you!


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The wait is killing me!

This 2ww is about to kill me! I just want to know if we wasted over $800 (so far-I haven't received all of the bills yet) or if we were successful. I so want to take a hpt, but I'm terrified of the results! I go in on Monday for the beta, but I don't know if I can wait that long!


Saturday, October 4, 2008

We did it!

The IUI has been completed! DH started out with 78 million sperm and after washing and separating, we had 40 million to use! The dr. said all of those were high quality! He said he liked to see anything about 10-20 million. So that was excellent news! The IUI didn't hurt hardly at all. I just felt a little twinge when he put the catheter in. He said that my progesterone level was 1.5, which meant I had not ovulated yet, but would be ovulating in the next 6 hours. So we'll hope the little guys hang out and wait for my little eggs! I guess we'll know something in about 2 weeks! I start the progesterone on Wednesday!

Now it's off to my dad's surprise 50th birthday party!


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

We are still a go!

Today is CD12. I went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound. I have 2 follicles measuring 17 and 19. We have several other smaller follicles from 11 down to below 6. I'm waiting for the nurse to call me back and give me the go-ahead. I think we will be doing the trigger shot tomorrow night and the IUI on Saturday morning. I'll update if it changes! Pray that all goes well!

P.S. Today's visit was night and day from the last one. Everyone was super nice and the dr. even took time to answer my questions!