Life Goes On

I feel a little better today. My husband and I are starting infertility testing. My doctor suggested 3 different tests to start out with. My husband will get tested first. Then I will get tested on the 25th of this month. If all that goes well, then I'll have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG for short). It's a dye test to make sure the sperm can actually reach the egg. It also will help clean out my tubes if there's anything blocking them. This test is quite pricey and insurance won't cover but just over half and that's after the deductible. I'm just praying that I can get pregnant before I have to have that one done. The only other advice he gave was just to continue taking my prenatal vitamin, eating healthy, and to exercise more. It's all a big waiting game. There's only a 20% chance you will get pregnant in any given month (and that's when you are in your 20's). That's not such great odds. But we did it once before so we know it's possible. Guess we'll just have to keep trying!

I had a long talk with my mother-in-law which made me feel a little better. I'm still sad about it, but I don't want to take away from their happiness either. I just hope they'll be sensitive to us during this time. I don't want them to look back on this time and blame us for everything. I want them to be happy. I remember how happy we were when we found out we were expecting. I just pray that God in His infinite wisdom has some plan that will eventually lead to us getting pregnant (hopefully sooner than later!) I would love for our children to be similar in age. We could take them and have their pictures made together. They could grow up to be great friends and wonderful playmates as children. All of my cousins were 4-5 years older than me so that made things extremely difficult. We managed but it would have been so much easier had we been closer in age.

So this is where I am. Things around me are going crazy. Everyone is pregnant or has had a baby in my family that's married except me. But no matter what, God is still my God, even if we don't get pregnant. He's no less or no more my God either way. Yes I'll be sad if we don't end up pregnant. But there's always adoption. I would love to do that anyway at some point. He's still awesome. And life goes on.