Appointment with the RE

So I've finally made an appointment with the RE. I feel like it's finally official...were INFERTILE. I've known that we were for months now, but now it seems so official. To catch some of you up, my DH and I miscarried twins 20 months ago. We immediately jumped right back on the horse and have been trying ever since. We've been through the sperm analysis, Progesterone screening, thyroid screening, 4 months of Letrazole, an HSG, and probably other things that I'm forgetting. It just seems that this is the most logical next step. I know that God is in charge of all of this, but I also know that he uses doctors and science to accomplish tasks. I don't know how far we should go with the RE. We know that we do not want to do IVF, but we're unsure about other options. I hope I won't feel any worse after going. I go next Friday afternoon (June 13). So what happens at the 1st visit to an RE? I have no clue! Please fill me in!

I saw my new nephew again on Sunday. I started crying on the way home. It still hurts. Let's face it...they have a child and I don't. I'm happy for them, but it still hurts (especially when MIL says things like "this is my first grandbaby"...I want to say "This may be your 1st grandbaby that's alive and well but I was pregnant 1st. You have twins in Heaven.") I think they forget that it still hurts. She never went through any miscarriages or problems with pregnancy, so she doesn't understand. It also hurts when my DH was holding him and a neighbor asked if he was the father. I thought my DH was going to cry. I'm so tired of all of the hoopla concerning the baby. He's cute...we get it...move on. I know I'm being selfish, but I just want to know how long this is going to hurt. I really thought this counseling stuff was helping. I know it is, but sometimes I just have bad days.

On a more positive note, my anniversary is Thursday. We've been married for 4 years! No plans have been made (that we can afford anyway). I have lots of ideas, but no money to actually do them! Have I mentioned how much the gas price rocketing has hurt us financially?? It's awful. I know this is nothing that any of you are going through. We're all going through it, but it's leaving us with very little extra money to do fun stuff! It's even been hard to pay the bills a few months! But with God's grace, we're making it! I hope you all have a blessed day!