Could I Be?

So AF is 18 days late. I've taken 2 pregnancy tests one last week and one the week before. Both BFN. My DH and I were waiting to start our first round of IUIs. Should I just wait it out or should I go see the dr.? I need your opinions ladies. Have any of you been this late and not been pregnant? I'm sure that happens but I've never been this late before. I've been 15 days late before but that was 1.5-2 years ago (a few months after the miscarriage). For the past 1-1.5 years my period has been on time or from anywhere to 1-5 days late. AF last started on May 23rd. Believe me my hopes are not up. I just want to know why my body is not cooperating. If I am PG, that would be wonderful, but if not, we can start the IUI process. I need feedback!

Casey

Endometriosis anyone?

Just got back from the RE....it looks like I might have a mild case of endometriosis. It's either that or fluid from ovulation. It looks like if I'm not pregnant this cycle, then we are going to start IUIs. Not real thrilled about that. I don't know how I'm going to afford it. Has anyone been through that? My mind is just buzzing with thoughts and possibilities. I'm extremely emotional right now. The thought of endo had crossed my mind, but my OB never mentioned it. I'm just so confused. The only good news out of this is that my hubby is healthy.

Did I mention if I'm not pregnant within the first 3 tries of IUI's then we do surgery? Boy what great news I got at the RE's today. I'm just down in the dumps.

Pray for me and my hubby during this time.

Appointment with the RE

So I've finally made an appointment with the RE. I feel like it's finally official...were INFERTILE. I've known that we were for months now, but now it seems so official. To catch some of you up, my DH and I miscarried twins 20 months ago. We immediately jumped right back on the horse and have been trying ever since. We've been through the sperm analysis, Progesterone screening, thyroid screening, 4 months of Letrazole, an HSG, and probably other things that I'm forgetting. It just seems that this is the most logical next step. I know that God is in charge of all of this, but I also know that he uses doctors and science to accomplish tasks. I don't know how far we should go with the RE. We know that we do not want to do IVF, but we're unsure about other options. I hope I won't feel any worse after going. I go next Friday afternoon (June 13). So what happens at the 1st visit to an RE? I have no clue! Please fill me in!

I saw my new nephew again on Sunday. I started crying on the way home. It still hurts. Let's face it...they have a child and I don't. I'm happy for them, but it still hurts (especially when MIL says things like "this is my first grandbaby"...I want to say "This may be your 1st grandbaby that's alive and well but I was pregnant 1st. You have twins in Heaven.") I think they forget that it still hurts. She never went through any miscarriages or problems with pregnancy, so she doesn't understand. It also hurts when my DH was holding him and a neighbor asked if he was the father. I thought my DH was going to cry. I'm so tired of all of the hoopla concerning the baby. He's cute...we get it...move on. I know I'm being selfish, but I just want to know how long this is going to hurt. I really thought this counseling stuff was helping. I know it is, but sometimes I just have bad days.

On a more positive note, my anniversary is Thursday. We've been married for 4 years! No plans have been made (that we can afford anyway). I have lots of ideas, but no money to actually do them! Have I mentioned how much the gas price rocketing has hurt us financially?? It's awful. I know this is nothing that any of you are going through. We're all going through it, but it's leaving us with very little extra money to do fun stuff! It's even been hard to pay the bills a few months! But with God's grace, we're making it! I hope you all have a blessed day!

AF is here...

Well the title says it all. AF showed up last night 4 days late. Oh well...guess I'll have to go see the RE now. I was hoping to get PG this month so I wouldn't have to visit him.

The DH and I were going to go camping last night, but since AF showed up, we decided to wait. Hopefully we can go camping next weekend. We'll see!

Can we say "OUCH"?!?!?!?

Well, I'm several days past the day AF was supposed to come visit. I'm not getting my hopes up yet. I've gone 15 days past before and nothing. The good news is I had my HSG several weeks ago. The doc said everything looks good. Did anyone else have as much pain as I did? Those "cervix pinchers" were awful!!! While I'm laying there in excrutiating pain, I heard my doc and the radiologist both say "Man, they're long!" I'm just wondering what's long??? So my doc finished up and says to me "everything looks great, but you have long fallopian tubes!" Anybody else have long tubes?? The technician scared my DH to death. She came to get him from the waiting room so the doc could talk to both of us, but he said she didn't look too happy! Anyway, everything is normal (except for my long tubes!!!). I ask the doc if that would prevent us from getting pg. He said "no". So who knows. We got pregnant once before so hopefully it will happen again really soon! Just finished my Infertility/Miscarriage counseling at church last week. I'm so glad we did that. I was so depressed my DH was extremely worried. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I barely wanted to get off the couch. If anyone is interested in the bible study on infertility/miscarriage (also abortion). You can find information here: www.calebministries.org

These are sweet people. I personally know the founder. In fact, she's my counselor. She's been through it all, so she can really help you! Needless to say, my thought process has completely changed, I'm no longer depressed and I can hold my new nephew without feeling anger or resentment. He's awesome by the way! His name is Zach and he'll be 5 weeks old tomorrow! He's such a cutie! Anyway, I guess I should really get back to work. My husband wants to take me camping tonight(yes, in a tent)! We'll see how that goes. Last time it was a blast!

Blessings, all!

Lunch with a PG friend

Well I had lunch with K today. It went very well. I was afraid that I might break down and cry but she's not that far along and not showing yet. We had a great time! We even agreed to get together over the summer (once school is out). It had probably been since August since we had seen each other and our schools are only about 3.5 miles apart! How sad! Anyway, my spirits seem to be up a little bit today. I guess only working half a day can do that to a person! I'm cooking a very romantic dinner for my DH tonight. He needs a night of relaxation.

It's Been A While...

OK so I realize it's been a while since I blogged last...lots of things have happened. I have a new nephew who is almost here (less than a month now til the birth). Several more friends are having babies--I just found out about another one today. I'm still not pregnant. I am going to have an HSG on April 29th to make sure everything is open. If that is normal, Dr. K wants to send me to an RE. Not sure how I feel about that. We tried Letrozole (Femara) for 4 months. I was late 2 days the first 2 months, 5 days the 3rd month, and 3 days the 4th month. But still no pregnancy.

My husband and I started counseling a few weeks ago. This has been too much to deal with. There is a couple in my church who have a ministry to deal with Infertility, Abortion, stillbirth, miscarriage, etc. So we started meeting with them. It seems to be helping until I find out that someone else is pregnant. I know that God has a plan. His plan is perfect for me and my husband. ( Just like the way we were in a wedding together at age 4 as the miniature bride and groom at the same church we got married in?!?!?!?!) So I know God has the master plan, I just want to know if it EVER involves us getting pregnant. But we don't know and we can't know.

Another thing, is that today was my due date from my twins miscarriage. They would be 1 year old now. It's so sad. I'm supposed to have lunch with my friend tomorrow who just told me that she's expecting. She said she would love for us to be pregnant together. I would love that. But who knows. It may not be in God's master plan. Sometimes I wish I had control of the plan, but I know I would just mess everything up!